Are you allways a 3rd wheel i am.It’s not that i haven’t had relationships i’ve had not tons but for my area i would say average atleast.But in the course of my shittastic life i had a mild stroke about six years ago well about hell it was six years ago.It changed me for the good in alot of ways at the time i was drinking a ton of hard liquor and i smoked like a house fire though i went back to that and only quit again 2 plus years ago.To get to my point though i’ve allways been shy and not very outgoing with the oppisite sex and the stroke just made that 100 fold worse.I pretty much just gave up totally for a few years even trying to engage in any form of dating.Which in retrospect was a very bad idea.I lost what little game i had and im like a broke gameboy no one wants  so’s thrown in the waste basket of life.I guess why i am writing this is i don’t even feel like hanging out with most of my friends these days not that i don’t like to hangout with them but most all have someone hell most are married and im lost to that i am alone in so many things.I truge on though fair reader i keep going like a kamazze pilot hitting a ship.So one day something good will come of this maybe not for me but for some other sorry sob that reads this meandering mess that is my shittastic loser self going over the bad hands life has handed me.Sorry for being a downer this late hour and some good german beer made this pour from my mind.